Few days back, I was reading this article that said few things men should never say to your woman.
If men always said what was on their mind, they probably wouldn't be saying lots of things that a woman would want to hear. It's not that men intentionally want to hurt their women, but let's face it, men can be quite insensitive at times and say things that might seem innocuous but can be downright hurtful, insulting, or both.
Okay, let's be fair to all men, in general. The intentions may not be rude or insulting. But at times what men says and what women hear may be totally different things.
Take an example. A man says to his wife, "Sweetheart, you're looking amazing tonight." On the face of it, this is a plain compliment by the man to his wife. However, does the wife see it that way too? Maybe no. Possible response, "What do you mean by 'today'? Don't I look amazing everyday?"
There were two things that I found to be really true were -
1- Whatever you decide is okay with me
Try saying this to your woman when you really don't mean it. In case you tell your woman to decide and then then knock down whatever she decides, then that is nothing but a recipe for a dangerous disaster.
Want an example? Look at the following example -
She: Where should we go on a vacation for our anniversary?
You: I leave the decicion on you this time. Just let me know where you want to go & we'll go there.
She: Let's go to a place in Rajasthan named Kalakho. I've been wanting to go there for ages.
You: What?! Kalakho in Rajasthan?? Oh please, anywhere else.
She: Oh ok. How about Muunar then?
You: No, no, too far off.
She: Coorg then? It's very picturesque!!
You: Coorg? What's there to see in Coorg? What's happened to your choices?
She: *What the heck!$%* followed by a 15 minute blah blah blah which you entirely deserve but are still wondering what you did to instigate!
Therefore, if you are not willing to do anything she wants you to do, don't tell her to decide.
2- I love you
Surprised to find this one in a list of things you should NEVER say to a woman? Well... Whatever you say, say it only if you mean it. If you don't mean it from the bottom of your heart, don't say it. Avoid saying it just because you think your woman wants to hear it.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Can you change anyone...
... till the person is willing to change from within? In most cases, the answer will be no.
Take for example one of my colleagues in one of my previous organizations'. We were into a high pressure project & had stringent deadlines. We had jokes that there's time to reach office, but no time to go back home OR if someone left in the evening as per office timing, then that person was leaving during half day! Now coming back to this person - let's name the person X. X would, by default, leave by 6 or 6:30 PM everyday. Even though there was work left. And X would, by default, go on unplanned leaves during the fag-end of the project, specially when the presence was required. All of X's work would then land on me. This was explained that this is not the right attitude towards work & change has to be there. All of it fell on deaf ears! We could not change X's attitude. Why? Just because X did not want to change.
Take another example. Someone I knew was married to a guy who flirted a lot with many women. And mind you, this was unhealthy flirting that he used to do. Initially, the wife didn't give much of a thought. Then when the unhealthy flirting did not stop & complaints were flowing in, the wife finally spoke with the husband. It did not help. It continued to such an extent that the husband wife separated. This could have been avoided only if the husband was 'willing' to change.
The willingness to change needs to be from within a person. No matter how much love, quarrel, politeness, sarcasm, or trying to show the reason - till the other person is unwilling to change, change cannot happen.
Take for example one of my colleagues in one of my previous organizations'. We were into a high pressure project & had stringent deadlines. We had jokes that there's time to reach office, but no time to go back home OR if someone left in the evening as per office timing, then that person was leaving during half day! Now coming back to this person - let's name the person X. X would, by default, leave by 6 or 6:30 PM everyday. Even though there was work left. And X would, by default, go on unplanned leaves during the fag-end of the project, specially when the presence was required. All of X's work would then land on me. This was explained that this is not the right attitude towards work & change has to be there. All of it fell on deaf ears! We could not change X's attitude. Why? Just because X did not want to change.
Take another example. Someone I knew was married to a guy who flirted a lot with many women. And mind you, this was unhealthy flirting that he used to do. Initially, the wife didn't give much of a thought. Then when the unhealthy flirting did not stop & complaints were flowing in, the wife finally spoke with the husband. It did not help. It continued to such an extent that the husband wife separated. This could have been avoided only if the husband was 'willing' to change.
The willingness to change needs to be from within a person. No matter how much love, quarrel, politeness, sarcasm, or trying to show the reason - till the other person is unwilling to change, change cannot happen.